When I took this photograph of the lovely table that Mom created for a fundraiser, I wrote a totally different post in my head. Twenty-six woman decorated tables and invited friends and family for high tea. My post was going to be about how proud I am to be my mother's daughter, about how creative and generous she is, about how happy I was to be doing something fancy with Ann Herr Mitchell (and how fabulous we're looking, if I do say so myself) and how much fun my sister Beth is to hang out with.
Instead, we're going talk about how I earned my Miss Safety First sash.
I'm a cautious person, whether I like to admit it or not. I like to think I live on the edge, but I really don't. Not at all.
I always wore my seatbelt, even before it was a law. I always have jumper cables, a coat and an emergency $20 in the truck. I always use my turn signals, even in my own driveway.
I had renters insurance in college, no matter how poor I was at the time. I have an extra umbrella policy now that covers anything my regular insurance might not.
You can find safety pins, double sided tape and BandAids in my wallet. I can fix almost any wardrobe malfunction or minor injury.
I have a coaster bike, can't go too fast or get tangled up in gears on old Blue.
Stick close to me if there is a fire or other disaster. I've already scoped out the exits and fire extinguishers and I'm not afraid to throw you over my shoulder.
Heart attack? Stand next to me, baby. I know CPR and I'm not afraid to use it - and have. Bleeding, ditto - I'll have you laughing as I'm holding your arm above your heart, applying pressure and wrapping that severed finger in plastic wrap and putting it on ice before you know it.
I always wore my seatbelt, even before it was a law. I always have jumper cables, a coat and an emergency $20 in the truck. I always use my turn signals, even in my own driveway.
I had renters insurance in college, no matter how poor I was at the time. I have an extra umbrella policy now that covers anything my regular insurance might not.
You can find safety pins, double sided tape and BandAids in my wallet. I can fix almost any wardrobe malfunction or minor injury.
I have a coaster bike, can't go too fast or get tangled up in gears on old Blue.
Stick close to me if there is a fire or other disaster. I've already scoped out the exits and fire extinguishers and I'm not afraid to throw you over my shoulder.
Heart attack? Stand next to me, baby. I know CPR and I'm not afraid to use it - and have. Bleeding, ditto - I'll have you laughing as I'm holding your arm above your heart, applying pressure and wrapping that severed finger in plastic wrap and putting it on ice before you know it.
I got a chance to use my fire extinguishing skills at the tea. The table next to us was decorated with glass balls, crystal flutes, netting, candles and sliver grassy stuff. When the tea was over one of the women blew on a candle. The flame caught the grassy stuff on fire. As I was headed to the table with a water pitcher another woman blew on the fire, which spread the fire further around the table and spread to the netting. The same woman was waving her arms and spreading the fire even more. I calmly held her wrist down and followed the fire around the table with the water pitcher.
My work there was done.
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