Tuesday, May 06, 2008

primary election day

[written with tongue firmly in cheek]

I was a little disturbed when I woke up this morning and found Barack Obama in my kitchen making French Toast, wearing my 4-H apron. "Bacon with that? he asked with a smile. Pouring coffee, he muttered, "Let's see if she can top that."

Walking outside I found Hillary washing my truck with a sponge, a bucket filled with soapy water at her feet. "Good morning," she chirped. "All shiny and good as new!" As she opened the drivers side door, she whispered "French Toast is high in cholesterol" in my ear as I sat down.

Pulling out of my driveway, I was startled and almost drove over the sidewalk when I heard someone say, "Hello!" Michelle Obama was sitting next to me. "Nice truck," she said, "But I think she missed a spot. On the hood," she continued, pointing past my ear. "Just like she missed the point on NAFTA."

Approaching work, I was a little surprised to see Bill Clinton dressed as a traffic cop and motioning me into the parking lot. Chuckling, he gave me a little salute, leaned forward and half shouted, half whispered, " Drive safe. We need you today!"

Leaving Michelle with the keys to the truck ("I'll get that spot" she exclaimed, hustling out with a spray bottle of 409 in her hand), I strolled into work, only to find John McCain sleeping in my chair.

Jostling him awake and shooing him out of my office, I heard him ask, "Interested in being Vice President?" as he cocked an eyebrow and grabbed a wall with wrinkled bony hands."No," I replied, peeling his fingers off and giving him a shove towards the door."I was a POW you know," he sputtered as I sat down and turned the computer on.

A full screen image of James Carville flickered on the monitor. "There's a special place in hell for traitors," he drawled, squinting at me. "Are you there?"Jumping up and walking down the hall, I passed Chelsea holding a hot, steaming towel with a pair of tongs. "Manicure?" she asked, chasing after me.

I dashed down the hallway to the lobby. John Edwards was sitting at the desk in front of the telephone, running his fingers through his hair and chewing a pencil." Ms. Spitznogle, good morning," he said, handing me a stack of papers. "Here are your calls. You're very popular!"

"Too popular," I yelled over my shoulder, as I turned the corner into the chef's office. "WHO SHOULD I ENDORSE?" he yelled as I walked in the door. It was Dick Cheney."Nooooooooo!" I yelled and woke up.

[This primary season in Indiana has been a tough one.]

Seriously, don't forget to vote.

If you're interested in how the presidential canidates would work with nonprofit agencies you could click here, but none of them answered the survey. Do click here to see why you should care if canidates are willing to work with the nonprofit sector.


Elizabeth McQuern said...

Ha ha! Awesome!

Jerry said...

That was great...and almost true. I still think it's kinda spooky that Bill Clinton was in Lebanon. I'm ready for the primary to be over in Indiana, and we can go back to being ignored.

terah said...

It must be annoying to have all the political activity about, but how great that your vote actually will impact what happens nationally! When was the last time Indiana mattered? I wish I was there!

Granny Annie said...

Any chance the AP will pick this up? Great story!

Rachel said...

Very funny stuff Nora!! You are a great writer!